The love of a mother

I am beyond baffled by how I can possibly love something/someone as much as I love Alexis. Jon told me the other day  that I love Lexi more than I love him. I've been contemplating that for a while, and...well, in a way, that is true. But the love that I feel for Jon and the love that I have for my daughter are so completely different, how could I even compare the two? Why would I even need to? It's not a contest.

I carried Lexi inside of me, "grew" her and felt her move, I gave her life. I feel that in a lot of ways, I "loved" her long before Jon really got used to the idea of her coming into the world-this is not a bad thing, I think it's pretty normal. How could I not have a bond so strong and unbreakable (not that you need to carry a child to feel this bond)? I see so much of myself in her already, stubborn little turkey that she is! When she hurts, I hurt. When she feels joy, so do I. She relies so completely on me for her most basic needs and, in a lot of ways, I rely on her for mine. I cannot remember how my life was without her, she reminds me of the simple things, she finds laughter in a game of Peek-a-boo, she only needs me to read and talk to her to feel secure, she doesn't need things, she needs my time. The little smile she gives me in that moment when I'm giving her a bottle, right before she drifts off to sleep is pretty much the closest thing to perfection I have ever known

As much as I love her dependency on me, my biggest fear is becoming a "helicopter mother". I allow her to explore her surroundings, to fall down (sometimes a little too hard for my heart to handle), she needs to make mistakes in order to make progress. Right now, those mistakes include getting too close to the steps (yikes!), eating the dog food (YUCK! Though, she did spit it right back out), and bumping into things. I see the benefits of my taking a step back whenever she learns something new or reaches a new milestone. The fact that she has fallen 2,000 times (maybe a bit of an exaggeration) does not keep Lexi from getting back up onto her feet and trying to stand alone, I see her feet twitching and I'm wondering how long it will be until she picks that foot up and takes the first step of millions in her lifetime.

Wow, I'm in such a mushy mood...and Jon, if you read this, know that I LOVE YOU TOO!! It's just a different kind of love, a kind of love that Lexi can't replace, so don't worry so much!

Tomorrow morning is Lexi's 9 month appointment, I'll update this with her "stats" once we find out. I'm guessing she made it to 20 pounds and is...30 inches? Any wagers? ;-)